Grieving During the Holidays

A-Poem-a-Day

Until Christmas

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one this Christmas?

In 2004, my husband, Leo F. Carolan,

went to be with the Lord.

The following poem is about mourning his loss

during that Christmas season...

Image credit: barbarah.wordpress.com

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU

Wrote my annual Christmas poem

and sent it out as usual

well aware that anyone who didn't already know

would know even before they opened it

as soon as they saw the return address label

with just my name on it—

Included your photograph

and a few words about your passing

baby photos of Logan and Aiden

and a few words about God taketh and giveth

Shopped, pretty much as usual

except, of course, that a significant gift

was missing from my list

I gift wrapped and set up the crèche

and a few decorations

baked cookies—

shortbread, chippers

anise biscotti, sugar cookie stars

Packed tins to mail

and give and have on hand

I'd glance at the empty chair

and miss you sitting there, smiling

as I rolled out dough

and sang O Holy Night way off key

Received lots of cards

and lots of notes and phone calls

from people stunned

by the news in my letter

Beth and Evert invited me to spend

the day before Christmas Eve with them

before they flew to Miami

with Logan to visit Evert's mom

On Christmas Eve I went to Beth Israel

to celebrate the birth of Messiah

Gave Pastor Jonathan his tin of cookies

then headed south on the Parkway

after midnight so I could be

at Kristin and Randy's in time

to see Aiden's eyes light up his first

Christmas morning

Over the next few days

I visited my sister and brother

Aunt Carol and friends

Kevin and Omayra invited me

to spend a quiet New Year's Eve

with Omy’s family in South River

Tearless, pensive, I lifted a glass

to ring out the old, ring in new

I slept in the guest-room

at my son and daughter-in law’s home

We sat around the table in our bathrobes

New Year's Day morning, eating

buttered panetone with glazed chestnuts

then drove to The City to see a play

We ate in a deli that charged holiday prices

and toured Ground Zero on foot

then

it was over

I got through it

without going to pieces

Maude Carolan